Stats, Snacks & Hacks with Fat Curry: Why Arkansas Fans Will Be Calling For 2023
Living in Arkansas for the past quarter, I have quickly learned that fans down here love their Hogs sports and uniquely unmotivating chants. One of the traditional chants is to "Call the Hogs". But after a weeks into their upcoming CFB season, the only thing this fan base will be calling for is the start of the 2023 season.
To paint the picture heading into this season, Arkansas finished last year with an 8-4 record excluding their win against Mr. Potato Head and Penn State. What Arkansas fans will not tell you is how they got to 8 wins. Year in and year out, all I hear is how the fighting Sam Pittmans play the hardest schedule in America. Fat Curry may lack mental willpower but he does not lack the ability to conduct Google searches until he has enough ammunition to make any Hog fan look as lost as James Franklin when coaching against P.J. Fleck. What I found after an exhaustive one Google search titled "Arkansas 2021 Football Record" is that 3/4 of their wins came from teams that ended the year under .500. Better yet, the teams that Arkansas played had a combined win percentage of ~43% (includes PSU).
Georgia Southern: 3-9
Texas A&M: 8-4
Arkansas Pine-Bluff: 2-9
Miss. State: 7-6
Bloomin' Onion Bowl - Penn State: 7-6
Total Record: 48-63
Moving on to this year's schedule, Sam Pittman decided to swap the likes of Rice, Georgia Southern and Arkansas Pine-Bluff for UC, BYU and Liberty. What a mighty bold move for a one-dimensional team that is only returning 5 offensive starters and 4 defensive starters.
Sure, the Hogs have K.J. Jefferson. But riddle me this: can one man beat eleven on a weekly basis? Maybe, but I'd bet the larger number between my body weight and my life savings that Arkansas cannot win over 7.5 games through only K.J. Jefferson. Arkansas lost arguably a top-3 SEC receiver from last year (Jameson Williams, George Pickens when healthy) and their lead running back (Trelon Smith). They get Jadon Haselwood who was the #1 receiver in the nation in 2019 and committed to Oklahoma. Taking after his former coach Lincoln Riley, Jadon decided to run away from the truth that he isn't good enough to compete against the highest level of competition and decided playing against the future Rices and Arkansas Pine-Bluffs of the world is more his tempo.
The offensive line should provide decent protection but K.J. will only have so much time until Will Anderson is on his left and Dallas Turner is on his right whispering sweet nothings into each ear as K.J. lies on the turf asking himself why he didn't transfer. But I am hear to say "Don't you worry K.J.". At least the 50 fans left in the stands when you're down 30 to Bama can Call the Hogs and will your team to field goal territory.
On the defensive side, returning production is more bleak than my lifespan. This is where fans clamor that they have the best defensive coordinator in America in Barry Odom. Yes, he's so good that OSU chose to not hire him and go hire Jim Knowles. I like to think that I could be considered a pretty good coach too if the standard is to just hold Rice to 17 points. The name this year that Hogs fans are going to waterboard you with while you're simply trying to check out at Walmart is Drew Sanders. Drew Sanders is another transfer coming to Arkansas, but he comes from Bama. Drew had 33 total tackles there (solo and assists) over two years, so it will be interesting to see if he is the QB of the defense. One part of the defense that I do not believe Drew can help with is sacks. The Razorbacks finished next-to-last in the SEC in sacks with 25, ahead of only Vanderbilt’s nine. In 2020, they finished tied for last with 14. In 2019, they were third from the bottom with 21. Arkansas finished 90th in the nation with a pressure rate of 25.8 percent, according to Pro Football Focus. The Razorbacks were 13th in the SEC in sacks per game, and when they did get home, it happened slowly: Per PFF, their average sack took 4.25 seconds, third slowest in the nation (courtesy of The Athletic).
Here is Fat Curry's prediction for Arkansas this upcoming year. I predict the hogs to come in 6th (out of 7th) in the SEC West conference. I encourage individuals to take under 7.5 wins (would take down to 6). I see a lot of disappointment here in their upcoming season and like UC to come into Arkansas and make their fans call for a new season after starting 0-1 and losing as a 7-point home favorite.
Snack of the day: Guess what's back? The Tom Brady of Oreos. I am talking about the Halloween Oreos. There is something different about these sleeves. I don't know if it's the orange filling, the pumpkin that looks like my grandma without her dentures or the fact that I cannot control myself and have a self-abuse problem, but I am addicted folks. These bad boys are going to bankrupt me long before the Hogs do since they won't win over 7.5 games.
Hack of the day: For the past two years, I have been looking a sun-screen alternative for when I golf. Looking through my fridge the other day, it finally hit me that I can use my favorite butter as a sun deterrent. I present to you: Land O Lakes Butter (original). Not only is this stuff delicious on Halloween Oreos and right of the plastic tub, but it provides a great base for those looking to get a few rays on the 9th hole.
Future Sponsor Proposal: Land O Lakes, I (Fat Curry) would like to partner with you and release a Land O Lakes Butter Golf Line. I will gladly be your affiliate and lather my muffin top with your finest buttery spread and proceed to golf a greasy 18. Come butter my bread, slide into my DMs and let's create a partnership that the Saudis will soon purchase.