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I hope Warren Buffett is more liquid than The Don because he's about to owe me $1 Billion Dollars

Overall, life has been pretty good to Big Daddy, but there's still a few things that I've yet to do:

  • Fight James Franklin,

  • Change in both locker rooms at my local Planet Fitness,

  • Read a book that doesn't have photos,

  • Ink an affiliate partnership with Land O' Lakes and start their golf division,

  • And make a perfect bracket


Well luckily enough for my subscribers, Warren Buffet just filed a Form 4 and is liquidating some of those Berkshire Class A and B shares because he heard Big Daddy finally made a perfect bracket.


So before I get into my picks, you're probably wondering what the secret sauce is to making a perfect bracket? Honestly, it starts off with 20% ignoring your significant other for three straight days and telling her your job search is on hold because you're making a perfect bracket and will put more bread on the table than all of her W-2's combined. Then it's about 60% reviewing old brackets and websites for historical trends. The last 20% is the most critical but is also the hardest physically and mentally and is why people fail. It involves submitting your bracket, celebrating by getting a 12-pack of your favorite beer and drinking it until you get those miss your 6th grade-ex feels, start contemplating all of your life's decisions (not you Caroline if you're reading this) and scrapping your bracket. Do that 3x nights in a row just like you're saying Bloody Mary with your friends in your parent's basement bathroom, and boom, you have a perfect bracket.


So now, I present to you, the perfect bracket. Below are my thoughts on each region:


East:

  • If you're in a bracket pool, you won't win because you chose UConn, but you can win if they lose and you predicted it. National Champs are historically eliminated no later than the Sweet-16. Rather than have Auburn, a KenPom top 4 team to beat them, I am taking FAU who was a buzzer beater away from playing UConn in last year's finals. FAU was a pre-season Final 4 team according to "experts" and is the #1 team in term's of minutes continuity. Don't be surprised if Dusty May beats UConn and then heads off to Louisville, the plentiful land of waitresses who can make any night a happy ending.

  • Overall, it's a chalky division. I do think the winner of Wazzou and Drake beats Iowa State in the Round of 32. Up until my 10th beer last night, I had Wazzou going to the Sweet-16 (last time they were there was with Tony Bennett before he gave up offense for lent). I switched it to Drake given they'll have the best player on the court in Tucker DeVries, and I personally want a battle of Iowa matchup between Drake-Iowa State.

  • I have Auburn moving onto the Final 4. I debated Illinois and BYU at different times, but as fun as either Lawrence, KS house parties or Polygamy may seem, having a beet red Bruce Pearl on the sidelines in Phoenix sounds better to me.

South:

  • My largest upset of the tourney belongs in the South where WKU will beat Marquette. Unless Shaka Smart tries to run onto the court and act as a 6th defender, I think WKU's #1 adjusted tempo in the nation can outpace Marquette with a questionable Tyler Kolek

  • Like every other square, I couldn't find a reason to not have Houston vs. Kentucky in the Elite-8. I think there will be upsets prior to that weekend, but it should all even out and we will be left with the two best teams in this region. I expect Jamal Shead to be the straw that breaks the UK fanbases back with Cal as coach when Shead outmuscles multiple top-10 backcourt picks and sends Houston dancing to Phoenix.

  • Other upsets I like: JMU to beat Wisco. Wisco was equivalent to David Solomon, a dead-man walking, before the tournament, and the past Sunbelt teams who have been a #12 seed all won their initial matchup. I also like Colorado to get to the Sweet-16. Florida losing Micah Handlogten is a much bigger loss than his stats may show since he was one of the best offensive rebounders in the nation. Colorado has multiple options on offense in Da Silva, Simpson, Williams and Lampkin Jr. They already got started with a win against Boise St. and can turn that momentum into a high-scoring affair with UK.


  West:

  • In my opinion, this is the weakest region and most volatile. I have had teams from the #1 seed (UNC) through the #5 seed (Saint Marys) be in my Final Four at some point. It isn't because I think any of these teams are that good, but because all have major flaws and can get bounced by any opponent. I ended up going with Arizona due to the combination of older backcourt play, size, decent nonconference resume and getting bounced early last year and being on a redemption tour.

  • UNC is by far the weakest #1 seed, but if you have watched either MSU, they both suck. UNC gets to the Sweet-16 in my humble opinion and loses to a lengthy and weird sounding, green-card holding Saint Mary's team.

  • Alabama is a poor man's U.K. They can drop 100 any night, but their disdain for defense has me thinking an above-average, although not great, Saint Mary's team can beat them.

  • Mountain West teams traditionally are trash in the tournament when excluding SDSU's run last year. However, New Mexico and Nevada boast robust backcourts, and Nevada is a top-6 team in the nation in terms of maturity. I don't know if either can knock off multiple upsets, but I expect an upset a piece.


Midwest:

  • The Midwest region is why Daddy will have a perfect bracket, $1 billion dollars and my 6th-grade ex texting me she made a mistake in about two-weeks. All I've heard is how either Purdue or Tennessee will make the Final Four, but has history taught you anything? Painter and Barnes choke more in March than a Bada Bing employee.

  • Moving up the ladder, Creighton isn't a deep team off the bench, Kansas is even less deep, Gonzaga is a poor man's version of last year's team who couldn't even get to the Elite-8. So who does that leave? It leaves this year's March Madness Meme player, Max Abmas and Texas.


  • In anticipation of Texas' run, I have prematurely trademarked the nickname, Max Madness, for the chaotic shots and scenarios that Max Abmas is about to put our fatty hearts through.


Final Four:

  • I think Houston actually gets it done this year. I don't know if they're the best team as of today, but you cannot argue that they've been one of the best all year. They dominated Big-12 play in their first year, and I think Iowa State poked the bear with the whooping in the Big-12 Championship.

  • Give me Arizona to beat Auburn. Deciding factor here was Arizona is led by a more experienced guard in Caleb Love. I think a critical factor for a championship run is experienced guard play, and I give the edge to Arizona.



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