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Big Daddy's Lullaby To The Power Five Before Its Eternal Sleep

Have you ever wondered how Kurt Cobain felt when Courtney Love came strolling into the greenhouse with a 20-gauge? Have you ever wondered what Mary Jo Kopechne's last thought was when she saw Ted Kennedy go all gas, no brakes like a NASA rocketship off the chappaquiddick bridge? Well call me Daddy the Plug because I got an alien long black barrel in my mouth, and I'm closer than ever to answering these unanswerable questions.


As Ed Reed once said "I'm hurt dog, don't ask me if I'm alright. I'm putting my heart into this shit, dog." Today's actions by the B10 have all but cemented the final days of the Power Five conferences. My next guess is as good as anyone elses, but I expect FSU, Miami, Clemson and North Carolina to find SEC bids underneath their pillows tomorrow morning. I expect Utah and the Arizona schools to begrudgingly ask the BIG-12 to make room after mocking their little brother (Colorado) for doing the exact same thing a week ago. Maybe Stanford, Cal and Duke plagiarize (ironic, right?) the Notre Dame model after seeing that a premier academic institution can still (sometimes) find athletic success.


All in all, this sucks. As I sit criss-cross applesauce in darkness listening to Nickelback "Photograph" on endless repeat, I fear not only that rivalry week will disappear but that rivalries with turn to memories. I fear college football will lose meaning as regions dissipate and a conference's border becomes as fluid as the media deals they're chasing.


I like money as much as my next brother in christ. It allows me to buy more Land 'O Lakes butter than my arteries can handle as well as a Wix subscription so that I can write endless blogs for my man Vandy to read. But where I have a problem with it is when it allows near-term decisions at the sacrifice of long-term implications.


As we say goodbye to the PAC-12, the ACC and soon to be others, we must remember the good times that came with the old model. I'll miss "The Granddaddy of Them All", aka the Rose Bowl, and James Franklin only making it because the Top 2 teams in the B10 are in the CFP. I'll miss the West Coast fans thinking they should give this whole watching football thing a shot up until their PAC-12 delegate gets taken to the slaughtering pen in the CFP semis. I'll miss everyone being 51% confident the NCAA body is actually as powerful as an empty bag of chips but having no reason to prove it.


Will I remain a CFB loyalist? Probably. Will I drown my liver in IPAs tonight until I Snapchat my ex a photo of me greased up in a tub of melted Land 'O Lands? You betcha. But sadly, you don't know you're in the good days until they're gone, and all good things must come to an end. So here I say my last goodbye to the Power Five as it takes its eternal rest. May your seeds sprout into half the beautiful bastard that you were.


Yours in Eternal Glory,

Big Daddy / Fat Curry



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