What if I told you that the worst NFL Draft pick of all time hasn't even played a down yet?
On August 4, 1998, the future 130th pick of the 2022 NFL Draft took his first breath on this spinning rock in an endless ocean of nothing. To most individuals, this man is known as Jordan Stout. However, to Big Daddy / Fat Curry (as colleagues, future scholars and anyone other than my girlfriend refers to me), he is known as the worst NFL Draft pick of all time. Below is Daddy's thesis; I hope you enjoy as much as I do unwrapping a Big Mac. Now let Daddy open your eyes for the next ten minutes and show you how Jordan Stout is the worst NFL Draft Pick of All Time.
Jordan Stout (recent photo shown below) is from the mediocre state of Virginia and went to Honaker for high school. While I could not find his exact stats, I was able to find the following article (https://virginiatech.sportswar.com/article/2016/12/23/jordan-stout-commits-virginia-tech/) and have pulled two quotes that I will graciously break down for you:
"Stout, a 6-foot-3, 175-pound recruit out of Honaker, VA., is one of the better kickers in the region. Stout received interest from Arkansas, Clemson, Tennessee and Virginia, among others. He decided though on Tuesday to commit to Virginia Tech as a preferred walk-on."
"(Jordan) said he broke Honaker High School’s season kicking and punting records, hitting all eight field goal attempts and averaging 46.7 yards per punt. He was a Single A All-State kicker and will play in the Offense-Defense All-American Bowl in Atlanta."
Breaking the first quote down, Daddy is sus to say the least. You just don't get hard looks from the SEC, aka the Guy Fieri of college football conferences, and decide to walk-on at Virginia Tech. If this cat had the foot of Ronaldo in high school and had Jeremy Pruitt questioning if he should go to the local Knoxville ATM, wipe out his daughter's checking account and give a Ziploc full of Andrew "Trail of Tears" Jacksons to Jordan Stout, then how come he never received even an offer from any Group of Five schools? I mean Akron is so desperate for acceptance that they practically offer scholarships to Make-A-Wish kids.
The second quote is also disturbing to a quant like myself who values statistics as much as a Golden Corral buffet. Jordan Stout's punting average after two years in Jerry Sanduskyville was 44.5 yards. Either you're telling Daddy that ole Jordan went through 5 years of FBS, D1 strength and conditioning and found a way to get worse OR Jordan was cooking the books and preparing for a career at Enron. Which is it pal? Lastly, someone please tell me what the Offense-Defense All-American Bowl is. Nothing screams quality bowl game like being invited and then having to walk-on to a college team. Wouldn't be surprised if some rich dad made this event for their kid who was riding the bench at a local Atlanta prep school just so that Akron would be dumb enough to come and offer the kid. I digress.
I quickly want to make a comment about Jordan "MVP" Stout's Hudl tape (https://www.hudl.com/profile/4870356/Jordan-Stout). Other than it all being either Jordan kicking extra points or kick-offs against a bunch of 5'8 white kids, everyone needs to go watch the tape labeled as "Game 8". In the tape, I'm counting two Confederate flags in the endzone. Additionally, Jordan is casually kicking extra points into the side of the Colorado Rocky Mountains. Now I'm sure that the Ravens scouting department knows about all of this and grilled Jordan about it too, but how unfortunate it would be if some random fat guy from Kentucky who talks about himself in the 3rd person created a Wix website and a P.R. nightmare for the Ravens saying that their newly elected Punter isn't phased by Confederate flags and hasn't missed an extra point when there's one in the endzone. Real shame that would be.
Next, I want to take a moment to set the landscape of Jordan's efforts in college and compare them to a few individuals. Firstly, let's compare Jordan's statistics to two other Punters in this draft class: Matt Araiza (San Diego State) and Jake Camarda (Georgia). Stout has only punted in 22 college games, punted 100 times and averages 44.5 yards. Matt Araiza has punted in 35 college games, punted 84 times (79 of which are last year) and averages 51.1 yards. Camarda has punted in 52 games, punted 187 times and averages 45.8 yards. Now Daddy is as much a Mathematician as my BMI is under 30.0, but I am going to go out on a limb here and pronounce that Jordan Stout has the worst punting average of all three. For the five PSU fans left out there who still think they have a chance of winning the BIG 10 and are going to cry that Jordan can also serve as a placekicker, then riddle me why his 64.5% career kicking (scoring 94 points) is lower than Matt Araiza's 73.5% career kicking (scoring 246 points). Just bizarre that the Ravens would spend the 130th pick of the '22 draft on the third best punter in this draft class. Now here's a photo of Jordan Stout not winning the best Punter in College award:
Quickly, I now want to compare the second coming of Christ to Pressly Harvin. For those who do not know, Pressly is the current punter of the Steelers and was the only punter selected in the 2021 NFL Draft at #254. When looking at Pressly's statistics at Georgia Tech, he kicked in 44 games, punted 210 times and averaged 44.7 yards. Other than Jordan being worse than every punter I mentioned, Jordan also couldn't crack the starting lineup til year 4 of his collegiate career. Meanwhile, Matt, Jake and Pressly all saw action (most likely on and off the field) every year they were each in college. I'm almost tempted to compare Jordan's stats to Sarah Fuller but a part of me is afraid he'll be worse.
For my last comp, I wanted to look at Jordan's college stats compared to the greatest punter of my youth that I can remember: Shane Lechler. For those who forget Shane, he played a cool 19 years in the NFL and was drafted #142 overall. In 4 years at TAMU, Shane managed to see action in 48 games, punting 268 times for an average of 44.7 yards. So yes, my total number of college punts (0) is closer to Jordan's total than Jordan's total is closer to Shane's total. Yet, Jordan somehow managed to go 12 picks higher than Shane. I still have one section left in my thesis, yet I already feel that I have exposed enough evidence to show either this is the worst NFL pick of all time, or Jordan Stout has blackmailed the Ravens GM and has a video of Eric DeCosta on Epstein's island.
For my last section, I want this to be like the last bite of a Double Quarter-Pounder. I know that you're full as a reader with all these stats and slanders about Jordan. Just remember that the last bite is the best bite, and you've never regretted it in your past. So let Daddy take you under his wing and enjoy this final section.
Evaluating the Raven's pick, it made me think that they either 1) punt more than NFL teams 2) need a new punter or 3) most likely a combination of options 1 and 2. The Raven's current punter is a man by the name of Sam Koch, so I evaluated his stats since Lamar Jackson became their official starter for an entire season in 2019. In 2019, Sam Koch punted only 40 times and averaged 46.4 yards. In 2020, Sam punted 51 times and averaged 44.5 yards. In 2021, Sam punted 71 times and averaged 44.4 yards. Now I quickly want to point out that 2021 was an absolutely brutal year for the Ravens due to injuries and should be tossed from the record books. Below is a quick chart showing how depleted their team was based on quantity and quality:
According the Fansided, the above graph illustrates that the Ravens finished second behind the New York Giants in cumulative games lost. But the great part about this graph is that it accounts for quality as well as quantity. Lamar also missed the final four games of the season.
Tossing out Sam Koch's 2021 stats, the Ravens literally punted less than any other team in the NFL in 2019 and only 5 teams punted less than the Ravens in 2020. Given the Ravens should be much healthier next year, and their offense should be back to normal and going for it on 4th and shorts, this makes me think they won't put a lot. So maybe you're now saying "Well Big Daddy, maybe they're thinking of using Jordan's lead foot at Placekicker or to take on kickoff duties?" WRONG YOU ARE. Unless you live in the same nursing home as my Grandma, you've probably heard of Justin Tucker. I'm not even going to waste a good keystroke on arguing why Justin deserves to retain placekicking duties. What I will quickly highlight is that Justin also handles all kickoff duties for the Ravens. Justin has averaged 62.4 yards per kickoff over the past three years compared to Jordan's 61.6 yards in one season. So unless the Ravens are planning on Justin Tucker to get in a car accident and become the next Ricky Bobby, the stats clearly show that Jordan Stout must have the softest hands in the draft and will be used for extracurricular activities in the locker room known as "team bonding". Below is a quick look at Justin Tucker when he heard the Ravens selected Jordan Stout:
In conclusion, I have left you with a three-course meal that could be shown on the next season of Chef's Table. I know these stats may be a shocker to most of you, but the truth hurts sometimes. Take some time to now digest all of these bits of data like a good Thanksgiving Day feast. If you like what you read and want to either praise the hands that typed this article and slide into the author's dms, you can reach me at: firstname.lastname@example.org. If you disagree with this article and want to send some hate emails to the author of it, you can reach him at: email@example.com.
Presented by Fat Curry / Big Daddy's Bets