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If Bill Clinton Was An SEC Quarterback (SEC East Predictions)

If William "Billy Boy" J. Clinton was an SEC Quarterback, he'd have to be Joe Milton due to accuracy concerns and the public's ability to quickly forget his past.

In analyzing Bill's accuracy concerns, all you have to do is Google "stained blue dress" to know he wasn't Chris Kyle. Similar to Billy Boy, Joe Milton also has difficulty threading the needle to wide-open targets who are all alone ( Both men also have a love the shotgun offense and being able to spray and pray.

For some god forsaken reason, a lot of people choose to believe that accuracy concerns can magically disappear overnight. Some historians argue that Bill must have worked on his accuracy since Hillary Clinton never came out to the 2016 presidential debate podium in a stained librarian outfit, but the only real threat of a white-stain to Hillary is when she drinks warm horse milk in Mongolia (seriously, google it).

Looking at Joe Milton's college and high school stats, you'll see that he's consistently not accurate. If a kid consistently averages a "D" in elementary school, do we think they have a more probable chance at becoming an "A" student in high school, or do we think there's a better probability that they're actually just a bit dense and not going to be the next President.


High School:

My second reason why Bill Clinton is really Joe Milton's brother from another mother is because of the public's ability to quickly forget each individual's past. During the 2016 presidential election, we somehow ignored that the best Democratic candidate was a Cuckquean thanks to her husband diddling interns. We somehow live in a Me Too era but have chosen to ignore the first Me Too woman. Rumor has it if you're a brunette and say the words "Billy Boy" three times in a row within the Oval Office, Bill Clinton will appear in the distance singing his rendition of "Billy Boys" as he marches through the White House.

For Joe, he's been able to flip the script because he threw a dang Orange 100-yards before last year's Orange Bowl. All of a sudden, this man is shooting up Mel Kiper's draft board because being able to throw an orange is now synonymous with being able to mentally pick a part Kirby Smart's Georgia Defense and win the SEC East. This brings me to my final thought that if Georgia's biggest risk to defending their SEC East crown is truly Joe Milton's arm, then we might as well pencil Georgia in to play in Atlanta come December 2nd.

Yours in being 27 Days Away From Football,

Big Daddy / Fat Curry


Pre-Season Media Predictions: Georgia, Tennessee, South Carolina, Kentucky, Florida, Missouri, Vanderbilt

Fat Curry Predictions: Georgia, Kentucky, South Carolina, Florida, Tennessee, Missouri, Vanderbilt

1.) Georgia:

Until someone in the SEC East proves that they can beat Georgia, then give me Georgia to repeat as SEC East Champs. One surprising fact when looking at Georgia's 2022 team is that they had the 5th-best total offense in the country. Now I know that they lost the true 2022 heir to the Heisman Trophy in Stetson Bennett and the best O.C. in the nation, but they have 3, 4-star QBs to choose from (Beck, Vandagriff, Stockton) and internally promoting Mike Bobo from an Offensive Analyst position to new O.C. At the end of the day, it's Kirby's show. As long as Kirby is at the helm and recruiting top-4 classes, I do not see the other SEC East teams taking the crown.

Daddy's last point that I want to make is why I say to take the Georgia future as Conference champs but not as National champs. It really boils down to time value of money and the premium that you're getting. I like Georgia at -110 as conference champs because their schedule is softer than a Little Debbie Chocolate Cupcake. They should easily get to the championship game and this bet can act as a hedge. Looking at last year's SEC championship odds, Georgia was a -900 favorite vs. LSU. To lock them in at -110 now seems prudent. However, Georgia's schedule is so easy this year that if they were to lose 1-game in either the regular season or SEC Championship, they could miss the CFP. I'd prefer to hold off at +220 and lock in my money elsewhere today. I think worst case scenario, they make the playoffs as the 1-seed, and you can lock them in at +125ish.

2.) Kentucky:

I really like Kentucky this year to be a sleeper in the SEC East because they no longer have Will Levis. Kentucky made a heck of a splash in the offseason and snagged Devin Leary from NC State. I think the best indicator of Devin's ceiling is his 2021 season when he had 3400 yards, 35 tds and 5 ints. He now comes to Kentucky and gets to play with Barion Brown who has the ceiling to be a better Kentucky WR than Wan'Dale Robinson or Lynn Bowden. UK's success will come down to their offensive line. In recent years, they've had one of the better lines but they lost key guys such as Kiyuanta Goodwin who was a 5-star get for them in 2022.

I really like their chances to smash the 6.5 over wins. They will likely start 5-0, lose at Georgia in week 6 but then get Tennessee and Alabama at their home later in the season. Their schedule gives them multiple chances to win as an underdog, and I think Kentucky can easily be the #2 team in the SEC East by year-end.

3.) Florida:

Bet you didn't see this one coming. When others zig, Daddy zags. If you listen to the media, Billy Napier already feels like his seat is starting to get a bit warm in year 2. I truly think the vibe within the four walls at Florida is completely different and that they're pissed about last year's results and want to get back on the winning track which means at least going .500 and making a bowl game. We are going to know a lot about this Florida team in Week 1 when they go to Utah. I expect Graham Mertz to win the starting QB job. While he isn't great, he has over 30 starts in the BIG 10 and a 19-13 record. Florida knows they're going to be an underdog for a majority of games, and I think they excites them. They also have Georgia, Tennessee, Arkansas and Florida State all in the Swamp, and I expect one of these teams to lose as a 7pt+ favorite.

4.) South Carolina:

With Spencer Rattler coming back to College Football for what feels like Year 12, anything is possible. South Carolina feels like they have the ceiling to be the #2 in the SEC East by year-end, or they can be #6, so why not split the middle at #4.

I think they start the season 1-0 and beat a much over-rated UNC team. I don't love South Carolina's schedule having to go play on the road at TAMU, Tennessee or even Missouri. They do get Clemson at home for the last game of the year, but all hope could be long gone by the time that game comes around.

My honest guess is they push at 6-6 and attend another Duke's Mayo bowl. Their defense was sneaky decent last year having been 18th in the nation in passes intercepted. Expect this to drop off with less than 50% of production returning on that side of the ball.

5.) Tennessee:

I'll sum this one up quickly since you already know how I feel about Joe Milton. They hype that Tennessee is getting in the pre-season feels extremely similar to TAMU last year. You look at this Tennessee team, and they lost a Heisman caliber QB, their two best offensive weapons in Tillman and Hyatt and their best offensive lineman and a former 5-star in Darnell Wright. One stat I find interesting is that Tennessee only had one defensive player drafted last year in Byron Young who earned All SEC-Honors. Beyond that, Tennessee didn't have another defensive player picked and now returns less than 70% of returning production. With their lack of defensive playmakers and assuming Joe Milton can't correct his accuracy concerns, I think Tennessee loses a few games early (watch out for UTSA), loses even more morale and the wheels fall off this wagon quickly.

6.) Missouri:

The only thing that Missouri has going for itself this year is that they get to make $50 million dollars from being a part of the SEC. Other than that, I can't find many redeeming qualities about this program. They lose some key starters on both sides of the ball to other SEC programs (Dominic Lovett - Georgia, Trajan Jeffcoat - Arkansas). Their QB, Brady Cook, doesn't really do anything that well and looks like he's one interception away from becoming Nebraska's 2024 starting QB. Missouri's always good for at least one home upset but that's about it. They get K-State, Tennessee, LSU, South Carolina and Florida all at home. If I had to guess, they beat a depleted K-State.

7.) Vanderbilt:

Maybe I should have applied to Vanderbilt for undergraduate because this following take demonstrates the 180 (minus 80) IQ that Daddy has. I think the best future for your money in all of CFB today is Vanderbilt over 3.5 wins. Call me crazy, but this may be the only future that you can take today and expect to get your money back within the first 4-weeks. All other futures you likely have to wait until year-end. From an IRR perspective, Enron's stock in 90's can't even promise me this return.

Vandy's first four games include: Hawaii, Alabama A&M, Wake Forest and UNLV. That's easily 4-winnable games before they even start their SEC conference play. Remind you that Vandy won 2 SEC games last year.

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